Saturday, April 10, 2010

When I talk/cuando hablo

In James 3 the apostle talks about the main issue associated with teaching. He talks about how those who teach will be judged more strictly, I suppose because, like James insinuates, they have the power to sway for good and for evil. He spends a lot of time talking about the evil:

"For every kind of beast and bird, of reptile and sea creature, can be tamed and has been tamed by mankind, but no human being can tame the tongue. It is a restless evil, full of deadly poison. With it we bless our Lord and Father, and with it we curse people who are made in the likeness of God. From the same mouth come blessing and cursing."

I know this really well, the blessing and cursing. If you took a notepad and for a day's time had access to my mind, you would see my morning prayers followed by a rush of fears, doubts, and anxieties about my interactions with people. I brood against them, I justify my position and feel the numbing reality that there is no life in it. On my better days I fight against the thoughts. I reason with my "inner tongue" and the Spirit moves in the motion. In that there is life. I guess I'm thinking a lot about this in light of Teach for America and moving away in general. Finally, at long last, for better hopefully more than worst, I'm going to be out on my own. I'm going to be fully responsible for my new actions to see that they fall into rhythm with the Spirit...thankfully time in Ruston has prepared me well. Or, rather, God faithfully working on me in this environment. After I leave though, a few phone numbers and a lively but long-distance relationship will be my only real connection to this place. All the while I will have to speak. I long to. The funny thing is that James doesn't really give the option to not speak...he seems to just be warning of the consequences when we inevitably do. There is no sitting out, only redemption-forward. And grace will be constant...

1 comment:

matthewjcrouch said...

I echo your experience all the way..my mind runs wild with fears doubts and anxieties. But thank God for his grace with me and also Rachels grace for me haha