I finally feel that I can tap into all of me. After returning from Guatemala I recovered from food poisoning for about a week, steadily regaining my appetite and scrambling to recapture the ten or fifteen pounds that I lost in my final 48 hours in that country. No sooner did I begin to feel better that I got hit with a dizzying summer cold that I'm now feeling the last of. I ran yesterday to see if I could. To stretch my legs and let them fly like I used to. It's been a long time since then, and although my two-mile is no longer sub-11 I believe my blood thanked me for its release. Dizzying; that would describe what it's been like since I returned. Moments of euphoria where my soul danced in freedom clashed against the chilling bite of letdown. In the letdown radiance flipped as a coin to reveal a revolting contrast. Glee tagged off to horror. More than a couple of times my face has been down, as low is my body will descend because I know that God is near to the brokenhearted. The weight, the submission that brings freedom whispered assurance in the bog. In my dizzying retreat my questions keep me company. The biggest is whether or not to restrain my resolve.
Where do I go from here? Summer seems laced with aimlessness.
I know, though, in my deepest core of being that I will delight in His teaching.
I will delight in His caress as never before.
Daily I will meet with Him and sit in the silence that teaches.
I will be teachable, and I will rise to boldness and to love.
In that I will give myself away.
"Be silent, all flesh, before the LORD, for he has roused himself from his holy dwelling"
Zechariah 2:13
