When I talk/cuando hablo

In James 3 the apostle talks about the main issue associated with teaching. He talks about how those who teach will be judged more strictly, I suppose because, like James insinuates, they have the power to sway for good and for evil. He spends a lot of time talking about the evil:

"For every kind of beast and bird, of reptile and sea creature, can be tamed and has been tamed by mankind, but no human being can tame the tongue. It is a restless evil, full of deadly poison. With it we bless our Lord and Father, and with it we curse people who are made in the likeness of God. From the same mouth come blessing and cursing."

I know this really well, the blessing and cursing. If you took a notepad and for a day's time had access to my mind, you would see my morning prayers followed by a rush of fears, doubts, and anxieties about my interactions with people. I brood against them, I justify my position and feel the numbing reality that there is no life in it. On my better days I fight against the thoughts. I reason with my "inner tongue" and the Spirit moves in the motion. In that there is life. I guess I'm thinking a lot about this in light of Teach for America and moving away in general. Finally, at long last, for better hopefully more than worst, I'm going to be out on my own. I'm going to be fully responsible for my new actions to see that they fall into rhythm with the Spirit...thankfully time in Ruston has prepared me well. Or, rather, God faithfully working on me in this environment. After I leave though, a few phone numbers and a lively but long-distance relationship will be my only real connection to this place. All the while I will have to speak. I long to. The funny thing is that James doesn't really give the option to not speak...he seems to just be warning of the consequences when we inevitably do. There is no sitting out, only redemption-forward. And grace will be constant...

Clarity cometh...

So things about the future have become a little more clear. At the end of quarter break Krystle and I were traveling back to Ruston from Mandeville when I checked my email on the cell. I had almost forgotten that it was another release date for Teach for America...who waitlisted me back in November. I had little stock placed in getting in, and even though I had recently learned of a hiring freeze on teaching in St. Tammany parish(Mandeville), I was pretty sure I would be moving down there anyway. Well, about ten miles outside of Tallulah on I-20 I checked and the email read:

"Dear William,

I am writing to follow up with an update on your waitlist status and final admissions decision and want to thank you for your patience and continued interest in Teach For America.

I am pleased to extend you an offer to join the Teach For America 2010 corps!"

I gulped...because the email did not contain the regional and subject assignment. About 8 miles later we came into Tallulah and stopped at the McDonald's to bum the wifi. We prayed, crossed our fingers, and I logged in. My assignment was secondary Spanish in Memphis. This contradictory rush of emotions hit me all at once. I was thrilled, only the hand of God could have opened this door...such a wonderful job, calling, and invitation to follow Spirit-led convictions...and yet if I pressed the "yes, I'll accept" button, it would mean long distance for at least a year. I had two weeks to let TFA know yes, or no. A wrestled and prayed for four or five days...do I choose the gift, a lush and challenging opportunity or an arid landscape near the object of my affections(cliche, I know). As I sat and listened, cringed and released, read and meditated, a peace came and whispered "yes does not mean no." After running that by a few people I trust, I knew that I had jump...and press the yes button.

So, amidst the usual graduate school chaos...God chose to offer a very, very large blessing amidst his constant flow of smaller ones. Like any relationship, I know the small things are what matters. The small blessings made and make Teach for America palatable. The same Spirit that has guided me in peace for these two years of graduate school will use me in powerful ways, to move figurative and literal mountains, to speak truth...all because of belief and in light of being an heir to the kingdom.

Let's talk about the prodigal son sometime soon...