Recently I've been thinking a lot about my convictions and the future. I have to confess I've had doubts about both. Not crushing, life-altering doubts, but doubts nonetheless. To be honest...some of the fears are rooted in the economy. I know, I know, we're not supposed to worry. But still, when I think about what could happen I start to feel a little constricted. I start to question how much my desire to go to law school is rooted in my own ambitions and how much of it God is laying on my heart. My convictions for wanting to go are hardly professional, even though that's what seems to be on a lot of people's minds when I mention it. I mean, I know I need to make a living to provide for a family, which I most certainly would love to have one day. Still, my convictions are found in the skills that lawyers have at their disposal. When I look at the International Justice Mission's work to fight human trafficking and injustice, my heart leaps. Suddenly this profession that has a bad reputation most of the time is being used in ways that seem so in line with Christ's heart and the kingdom. International is nice, but I know that skills like that could be used anywhere, and anywhere is where I'm willing to go. And they may have to be.
Welcome to my fears and feelings of constraint. I worry that the economy going ker-plunk is going to make it impossible for me to even go to law school simply because I would not be able to secure a loan. I mean, Atticus Finch was not himself without the ability to serve people with his occupation. And Jesus, I think he knew what it was like to serve amidst a broken economy. Ok, so maybe a broken state which many thought he should be siding with to overthrow a well-known empire. In the rubble Jesus found a way to establish his kingdom. He led man back to life in the middle of chaos. And he didn't sin. Now the pendulum swings. What about these convictions that I've only described briefly? If they're real, then I should be taking up courage that God is going to make a way. He is so faithful in that. I guess that's why I've been reading a lot of blogs about mission work lately. I've done some, and I know that discerning it forces you to embrace hope. Sometimes it's all that you have going for you.
So, when God puts something on your heart, do you abandon all restraint to get to it?
But still, you must love...
